I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
