He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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