Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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