i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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