i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
two words: eviction party
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
