i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
