Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
