I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize