Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
