i was born a porn star she said
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
