how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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