Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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