Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We left the knife in your bed.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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