the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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