Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
