she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
