his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
