I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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