This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
