At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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