The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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