Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
