The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
