one might say we're banned from that church
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
