New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
