Kiss
Puke
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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