You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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