Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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