Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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