i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
