I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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