i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
