I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
