last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
