Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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