the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize