I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
