i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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