**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
