So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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