their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize