Im at strip club and am horny
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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