Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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