I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
