Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
