Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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