I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
