I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
