yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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