You work out of a Hotel?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
