You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
