I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
