I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
