so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
