It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize