I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
