Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
