WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
