I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
