Already got asked if we're dating
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
