This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
