im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
