I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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