I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
